Children and adolescents spend a large part of their day with teachers and peers so when a death or other tragedy occurs the effects reverberate throughout the entire school community. In the face of unimaginable loss, leadership becomes much more than a bullet point on a job description. Despite their own grief and shock, school leaders are called upon to be a source of strength and compassion for students, for families, and for faculty and staff.
Timely and clear communication is paramount, along with efforts to create an accepting atmosphere that encourages the open expression of thoughts and feelings. There are, however, many moving parts to these interventions – often called “postventions” – and although there are several best practices that ESS would like to share, it is important to note that there is no such thing as the “perfect” response. Planning ahead is important, of course, including the creation of crisis response protocols, the identification of a crisis team and a media liaison, and the development of partnerships with police and local community resources. But it is important to acknowledge that depending on the nature and scope of the crisis – e.g., the extent of media coverage – there may be much that is beyond the control of district leadership.
When Tragedy Strikes – Some General Considerations
Schools are an efficient way to help large numbers of children both in the immediate aftermath of a tragedy but also in the long term as they are familiar environments where children can be monitored and supported over time. In addition, some parents and children might be more receptive to accessing school-based services than they would be to services offered in the community.
Numerous factors can impact the effects of tragic loss. How well known and popular was the person who died? Did the person die on school property? What was the cause of death and was it sudden or expected? How widely will news of the death be circulated, e.g., will there be media coverage? What sub-groups within the school community had the most contact with this person? These are considerations that the school’s crisis team should address as it begins to implement the school’s crisis protocol. Above all, be careful not to underestimate the effects of the death or other loss and the potential long-term impact. There is no defined end point to the experience of grief and no clearly defined “stages of grief” that occur in a predictable order. Individuals will experience grief differently based on their personal histories and characteristics as well as environmental factors, although common reactions include a combination of shock/disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness, fear, and acceptance.
Leaders should not expect to conduct “business as usual” on the next scheduled school day after a death. Besides planned information and processing sessions, it is important to stay open and flexible about schedules and about meeting academic expectations. In the days after a tragic event school leaders and counselors might be meeting with parents and students, both in groups and individually, but much of the healing interventions ultimately will be classroom based so ongoing support for teachers is essential.
Teachers and other staff should be informed and prepared first as they are the front line for helping students. They need space and time to identify and vent their own emotions and to absorb information about the emotional and behavioral signs of grief and trauma in students. In addition to trained counselors, some districts bring in a cadre of substitute teachers each day to offer classroom support and respite for teaching staff.
Finally, while it is natural to want to protect children and soften the blow, it is not helpful to use vague and euphemistic language. Based on the age and developmental level of your audience, it is advisable to be clear and direct rather than shying away from the words “died” and “death” in favor of euphemisms like “he is sleeping”, “she’s in heaven”, etc. School and community mental health professionals can offer suggestions and practice in the use of developmentally appropriate language.
Navigating Through the Stages of a Crisis
The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement offers an excellent step by step guideline for responding after a death. First steps include activating the school’s crisis team, notifying teachers and other staff, and coordinating with local authorities, e.g., previously identified mental health providers and police if it was a violent death. It is, of course, critical to get all the available facts from the family including what information they might want to remain private.
School leaders should inform parents via their district’s usual methods for conveying urgent information, e.g., text or phone chains or automated phone messages. Personal phone calls are preferable, however, for parents of those students most closely impacted by the death (e.g., an immediate classmate or teammate, or one of the student’s teachers).
It is a good idea to prepare announcement sheets for teachers to read from so all students will receive the same information. This will also spare teachers the uncertainty and discomfort of finding their own words to share the news. Staff should discuss possible questions that students might ask and brainstorm responses, keeping in mind that “I don’t know” is an acceptable response if it is coupled with validating statements about how difficult and frustrating it is to have only partial information. Announcement sheets should offer as many facts as possible – not speculation – and should convey information about counseling and other resources that will be made available. They can also include some age-appropriate facts to share with students about typical reactions to loss.
Emotional assistance should be offered quickly for both staff and students. It is appropriate and helpful for teachers to be authentic with students, displaying their own emotions, as long as they can do so without breaking down. Teachers can be paired up with each other and/or with administrators when conveying the news so that the pair can work as a “tag-team” and support each other in the process.
Leaders are encouraged to schedule a meeting just for parents to help them cope with their feelings and to discuss ways to support their children in the coming weeks and months. If the death raises specific safety concerns (e.g., if the death was violent and at the hands of a perpetrator; if the death was a result of driving while intoxicated, etc.) parents should be informed about safety protocols as well as educational efforts to enhance students’ understanding about the effects of risky behaviors (e.g., driving under the influence). Clearly, if the event occurred on school grounds a decision needs to be made about when to re-open school considering the nature of the death and the level of trauma experienced by students. Parents should be encouraged to work with teachers and counselors if their children are reluctant to come back to school after a tragedy so that a child can be offered some recovery time but not so much time that it starts to foster a pattern of school avoidance.
In all meetings with students, families, and staff it is important to validate the full range of feelings that individuals might experience, including a lack of safety, even if the death had nothing to do with being at school per se. Safety policies and precautions can be reviewed and leaders can offer reassurance that mental health counseling and other sources of support are in place. Be mindful that different types of deaths will trigger different reactions and will warrant different responses. For example, a death by suicide might lead to guilt if survivors feel that they let the student down in some way or missed the signs. The death of a parent might trigger anxiety and fear as children worry if this could happen to them.
The crisis team should invite parents, teachers, and other school personnel to identify students who might be more at risk – close friends, teammates, immediate classmates, those with pre-existing mental health conditions, those who might see themselves as similar to the deceased for some reason, those who’ve experience a similar loss – and develop a plan for providing these students with extra support. Teachers play an invaluable role by listening and validating students, and by modeling the healthy expression of feelings. They should be made aware of how grief and trauma can impact learning, e.g., decreased concentration, increased irritability, withdrawal from friends and disengagement in the classroom, more disruptive behaviors, and/or increased anxiety or depression.
The stability and sense of safety that routines offer is crucial to helping students move through the crisis and eventually resume learning and other activities. But teachers and administrators should adopt a flexible stance that may be needed long after the initial event. Months after an incident a student may raise a question or share a memory, and the teacher may need to hit pause on the day’s curriculum and give students a chance to share thoughts and feelings.
Creating a way to memorialize the person who’s been lost is important but not the first priority. And moving too quickly to create a memorial may inadvertently signal that “it’s time to wrap up your grief and move on”. That said, school officials should allow for spontaneous memorials (the placement of flowers, teddy bears, etc. in a specific spot) and encourage students to contribute to them. After the initial few weeks, the crisis team along with student, teacher, and parent representatives can plan a memorial event and/or permanent tribute to the person who has died.
Concluding Thoughts
Sadly, no school district is immune from the impact of a death or other traumatic event. Leaders who emphasize advance preparation, who foster direct communication within a safe and validating environment, and who model authenticity and openness – not “perfection” – ultimately will help their communities heal and thrive.
Resources:
National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement
Guidelines-Death-Student-or-Staff-Booklet-Format.pdf
When Tragedy Strikes: What Schools Should Do | Education World
Going Back to School After a Tragedy – Child Mind Institute
Q&A: Working through grief and loss with students
How to Handle the Death of a Student – Education Corner
