Under the best circumstances, school avoidance is a thorny and frustrating problem for parents and caregivers. While pandemic-imposed school closures impacted all youngsters with mental health vulnerabilities, in the years since, school-avoidant students have been among the hardest hit. To make matters worse, some students with no prior history of avoidance began exhibiting these behavior patterns when full-day, in-person school resumed in the fall of 2021.
What is School Avoidance?
In many cases, school avoidance is best understood as an anxiety disorder: up to 56% of avoiding youngsters have a primary anxiety diagnosis, including generalized anxiety, separation anxiety, and social anxiety. Research suggests four primary reasons why students avoid school:
- To avoid school-related situations that cause discomfort or anxiety
- To avoid evaluative or social situations related to school performance
- To receive attention from parents or caregivers
- To access rewards that make staying home more comfortable or enjoyable than going to school
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) research long ago demonstrated that school avoidance is one of the factors that worsens anxiety over time. Hence, the phrase “get back on the horse” – failures or negative outcomes of any kind followed by avoidance of the feared thing or situation only increases anxiety over time and undermines confidence in one’s ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions.
Are you inadvertently “rewarding” school avoidance behavior?
It is natural for a loving parent/caregiver to move in to support and protect a scared child. In doing so, however, parents/caregivers run the risk of unintentionally rewarding school avoidance behaviors. Parents/caregivers can reinforce school avoidance by offering excessive reassurance, allowing or encouraging avoidance behaviors when the child shows extreme distress, and “taking over” by doing tasks for children they are developmentally capable of. This “taking over” helps reduce a child’s anxiety in the short term but interferes with the child’s ability to develop necessary coping skills and regulate their emotions.
A mental health professional should be the driver of any intervention plan, but first and foremost, parents/caregivers must recognize and address their tendency to blame themselves for their children’s problems. To be effective, parents/caregivers must try to let go of guilt and shame about their child’s mental health problems. You can take action to help your child, but you did not create your child’s anxiety or school-avoidant behavior.
Tips for Parents and Caregivers
Here are some tips to keep in mind when working with therapists and teachers to address your child’s school avoidance:
- Practice a relaxation or mindfulness exercise (e.g., deep breathing) to help maintain your cool when dealing with your child’s frustrating avoidance behaviors.
- Reduce “rescue” behaviors that soothe the child in the short run; instead, communicate clear expectations and confidence that your child can perform and succeed.
- Offer reality-based information about the actual level of threat in any feared situation while helping your child label emotions and identify/modify unhelpful thoughts (“I can’t do this,” “Everyone will make fun of me,” etc.).
- Learn about the coping skills your child is working on in therapy so you can remind them to use them when needed.
- Acknowledge your child’s anxiety and the potentially scary aspects of a situation while also emphasizing that they can learn to tolerate the discomfort.
- Do not punish anxiety behaviors; instead, recognize and celebrate all efforts and small accomplishments that bring your child closer to total school attendance.
- Consider how you might be making the home environment more rewarding for the child than being in school, including allowing access to video games and other recreational activities, unlimited snacks, extra attention from you, etc. While school is in session, a child’s time at home should be made as uncomfortable and non-rewarding as possible.
- Consider if there are ways that you are unintentionally communicating that your child is needed at home. Reassure the child that you are dealing with your adult concerns and that the best way that the child can be helpful is to be in school.
Addressing school avoidance in children requires a multi-faceted approach involving parents, caregivers, mental health professionals, and educators. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in helping their children overcome school by empowering their children to overcome anxiety and develop the necessary skills to thrive in school.
